Saturday, 23 December 2006

"AH DUNNO!"

Early morning in the burrow. Enter ben trovato, abstractedly flicking a feather duster around and muttering to himself: "This place is getting tatty. anticant hasn't done a serious blog for a couple of days now, and has pottered off along the river bank on a mince pie hunt. I suppose I shall just have to go on scouring the internet for weak jokes as stocking fillers. Oh dear....."

Enter anticant, waving a paper bag and chortling "Got 'em! And there's real brandy in 'em too." Slumps into chair and starts munching.

ben: "That does it. He's onto the hard stuff already. Merry Chrishmass everyone."

22 comments:

zola said...

Good morning all
Dixon of Duck Green ere.
Christmas ham now cooked and Turkey nearly ready.
Four sproglings plus 2 to feed.
But it will be nice to have the whole close family together.
Sprogs can get their own booze.

zola said...

Happy Chrishmush Ben _ look after poor ole grumpy and keep feeding him those pies with brandy.Just imagine anticant going public on the net when really pissed. Awesome.

anticant said...

anticant has never experienced the dubious joys of getting really pissed. He has to watch his limits, or else he becomes nauseously ill. Shame, innit?

lavenderblue said...

I know someone else who may well be nauseously ill today.
One more Day to Go.then it's Santa and Reindeer on heat.........
Have a good Saturday........

zola said...

Try reading Jean Paul Satre without the brandy in the pies.
Now that is norzi8ing.

anticant said...

Can't do with all those hifalutin Froggy pseudo-philosophes, Sartre, Derrida, Barthes, Foucault & co. - wreaked terrible havoc with commonsensical thinking, they have. 'Deconstructionists' forsooth - wholesale demolition merchants and peddlers of incoherence more like. The whole lot should be marooned on Devil's Island with no access to the internet.

[Collapses grumpily onto sofa and munches another brandy-and-mince pie.]

anticant said...

[Thinks]That Mme. de Beauvoir didn't half go bananas about Sartre, did she? Complex menage they had, each beavering away in all directions. According to Wikipedia, Mme. B "did not attain her first full orgasm until 1947". Reminds me of Tommy Handley's famous ITMA catchphrase: "I don't wish to know that."

anticant said...

[Still ruminating] It all just confirms what Margaret Thatcher said about the French - whatever that was. Ah, but President Mitterand is reputed to have found her sexy.....

zola said...

Thats looking better Antirant : On to those frogs now are we.
They all fell into deconstruction mode after reading Lewis Carrol you know.
BTW Foucault liked a good whacking every now and then and said it helped his self-discipline.

And ; pass some of that brandy over to our LavenderBlue. With both of you going at the same time I will have a fantastic saturday.

anticant said...

Wondrously inconsequential, these Angry Squad threads! Like Hampton Court Maze. A chance remark leads one into the most fascinating labyrinths. Suzon mentioned her blue stockings over on Big Pike's site, and in no time we were discussing the closure of the Royal Marines School of Music at Deal. Zola mentions Sartre, and we swiftly gravitate to Baroness Thatcher's sex appeal.....

Zola is hereby appointed Purveyor of Red Herrings and Hobbyhorses to the burrow. By Order.

Anonymous said...

Good morning chaps and chappesses.
Sorry to be so late.
Tired.
Fucked 6 game birds last night - a bit much even for me (said he smiling knowingly).
However, now fit for the fray.
Which direction should I go in?
(Fucking dangling prepositions are worse than my Nobby Stiles).
Which reminds me........

Wrongfully Convicted said...

'anticant has never experienced the dubious joys of getting really pissed.'
Tell you this, he was obviously never much of a Lawyer - but he makes a damned good plea in mitigation. Really.

anticant said...

Judge anticant would have you know that he was pitchforked directly onto the Bench without having to undergo the sordid process of accepting anyone's dirty briefs [Lavender and Zola please note].

Judge anticant issues a last warning to everyone, anonymous or otherwise, that he will f*****g well not tolerate f*****g bad language in the burrow. There is a classic case concerning the definition of buggery which concerns misbehaviour with a duck. If anonymous does not watch his language, this will be reinstated on the 'pending' lists.

One thing leading to another, Judge anticant is reminded of a tale related to the court by a social worker who had to report on the state of mind of a farm hand accused of misdemeanours with sheep. Somewhat rashly, she had enquired how the alleged offences were performed and received the reply: "Well, you see, Mum, I tuck their back legs down the front of me Wellies..." [Sniggers in court, promptly suppressed by Judge anticant].

Anonymous said...

Many is the true word....

Mr Growser said...

This site is a disgusting sink of moral pollution. It ought not to be allowed. If this is how you lot 'celebrate' Christmas, they should both be abolished.

zola said...

Well Anticant : Where does the tail go from there we ask!

anticant said...

Judge anticant: "I am the Lord of Misrule. Complaint dismissed."

BarkinMad said...

Excuse me.
There is only one 'Lord of Misrule' allowed on any one site.
I claimed my privs long time ago.
'"We are justified in assuming that in an earlier and more barbarous age it was the universal practice in ancient Italy, wherever the worship of Saturn prevailed, to choose a man who played the part and enjoyed all the traditionary privileges of Saturn for a season, and then died, whether by his own or another's hand, whether by the knife or the fire or on the gallows-tree, in the character of the good god who gave his life for the world." '

anticant said...

anticant and CP slipped out to do some last-minute shopping - almost literally slipping, as a large dollop of oozy stinking animal poo had been deposited on the burrow's front door step. Prime suspect is Mr Growser starting a civil disobedience campaign in protest at Judge anticant's recent ruling; or maybe our weird next-door neighbours who haven't spoken to us since last Christmas Eve after being our bosom pals and stalwart helpmates previously. [A distasteful and almost incredible story, best left untold].

Ernest the Policeman has been assigned to the case. If necessary, he is authorised to call in aid the services of Lord Stevens, whose recently completed investigation into the death of the People's Princess has familiarised him with all the murkier goings-on in the back passages of Paris underpasses, the Ritz Hotel, Harrods, and possibly also various Royal palaces. His help in whitewashing the step may also be required.

The results of this investigation are awaited with keen interest. The Duke of Edinburgh and a Mr M al Fayed of Knightsbridge have asked to be kept informed.

lavenderblue said...

Anyone else remember the Giles Cartoons, best of, always around at this time of year.
Wonderful, wonderful stuff.
Wonder what he would make of it all now.....

lavenderblue said...

Anticant - have you seen ZoZo ?
Only i can't leave a comment on his site, it won't let me open the Comment Box..
Paranoia creeps in with the smell of alcohol on it's breath.....Dylan Thomas, anyone ?

anticant said...

Fear I can't help with opening Zola's portals - have enough bother with my own.