The case of billstickers v. anticant’s burrow has been heard before His Worship the Mayor. A cross-petition by anticant against mr stickers was also taken into consideration.
The plaintiff alleged that he had been told that he was no longer welcome in the burrow, in contravention of its free speech policy. He had laid a complaint through his agent monopoliescommission to Ernest the Policeman.
anticant responded that mr stickers had abused the burrow’s hospitality. If the management were to allow repeated breaches of good manners, the place would lose its good reputation and be reduced to a bear garden. He cited in support of his decision the dictum of the American philosopher Emerson that “a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds”.
Larry the Lamb said that mr stickers was just a poor little paschal lamb, and should be allowed to bleat as much as he wished, wherever he wished.
Mr Growser said that it ought not to be allowed.
Dennis the Dachsund said “Mine goot vriends, can you not this dispute amicably end?”
Zola and Toby said that lines had to be drawn somewhere – but where?
Merkin said that he was mr stickers’ judge, and was praying for him. His Worship overruled this claim, saying that HE was the judge in this case.
lavenderblue urged Angela to parachute onto mr sticker’s head. His Worship ruled that this was an unacceptable incitement to violence.
Yellow Duck said “Quack, Quack.”
Summing up, His Worship said that anticant was obviously in breach of his house rules, and rejected his claim of privileged inconsistency on the ground that anticant’s mind was not large enough to exercise it. For his part, mr stickers had spoken without due regard to the sensitivity which might reasonably be attributed even to members of an Awkward Squad.
His Worship dismissed the cases of both parties and ruled that mr stickers should be readmitted to anticant’s burrow, subject to future good behaviour, on condition that he pledged 50 x 50 pence [i.e. £25] in support of Angela’s parachute jump, and that anticant did the same.