Sunday, 22 July 2007

WOOFFIE SPEAKS!

[As interpreted by ben trovato]:

"My attention has been drawn to a scurrilous allegation by Zola that I was 'pissed' on my return with the Beadle from our fruitless search for summer sunshine. The unwarranted implication was that as we could not find any actual sunshine, we regaled ourselves too freely with liquid sunshine.

While I cannot speak on behalf of the Beadle, I wish to testify that I am a sober, responsible, rescue-trained St. Bernard - not a drunken Lurcher - and that I have never been 'pissed' in my life. The slightly watery look in my eye was due to the unseasonably arctic winds, and NOT the result of liquid refreshment.

Admittedly, I have a weakness for pearls, but that is another matter entirely."


IN WITNESS WHEREOF I hereby set my pawmark: ++++++ WOOFFIE
======

18 comments:

trousers said...

That's a fine skill for interpretation you have there Mr Trovato.

But do we have any further evidence? Does our St Bernard, for example, know what day it is? Can he walk in a straight line? Is he, for heaven's sake, safe to drive?

I think we should be told.

ben trovato said...

Alas, my powers of interpreting caninespeak are only intermittent, and all I can gather from Wooffie at the moment is "wuff,wuff". However, I can safely say that, for Wooffie, every day is Wooffie Day. His pedestrian prowess is unimpaired, and he is perfectly safe to drive as he always goes contentedly to sleep on the back seat.

lavenderblue said...

'I had A Dream '..........
It was the other night.
Wooffie was pissing all over me.
I woke up with a shock and wet fury, only to discover that the earth in turmoil had wrenched open my window, thrown back my curtains,,,,,,,,and I was soaking wet....however.....the faintest whiff of Brandy did not go unnoticed......?

zola a social thing said...

Oh yes I remember that damned beast of fluff and tail spoiled my evening with the good LavenderBlue. The back seat was obviously a Wooffie thing to be guarded with jealousy and envy.

Wooffie said...

[GROWLS] Watch it, you lot, or I'll piss over all of you and it won't be a dream! GRRR

the burrow beadle said...

No canine or any other pissing in the Burrow.

By Order

Judge anticant said...

Unless these uncalled-for verbal maulings of poor Wooffie cease immediately, rescue services from the Burrow will be suspended indefinitely.

Lady Di Aphonous said...

Oh....Bugger !

the burrow beadle said...

DEFINITELY not in the Burrow, Madam.

By Order

Emmett said...

NO Pissing, Wooffie, you /hund/! There's already too bloody much effing rain! Here in southern Minnesota early in the ack-emma, too -- a lovely and heavy, much-needed, thunderstorm came banging away & pouring down.

I Suppose you lot have /had/ 'pouring down' after what I seen in the TeeVee this morning -- jesus Christ!

HERE, Where the country is "flatter than a pissboard" (like NE Oxfordshire, a board you pee on in the grass that spatters your cuffs), we speak of it "raining like a cow pissing off a flat rock!" I'm sorry your weather-cows have been so very pissy & I hope Aunty's roof holds, and you are all keeping a plentiful supply of nicely laundered & starched toe-rags in hand, for the wet feet....

s/Grandpa Wook

PS: It sounds as though it hasn't rained so heavy on you since I "wasn't big enough to shit on a chip" (Another baffler from the dialect of these parts.)

Anna MR said...

On behalf of my deceased lurcher Burroughs, I take issue with the implication that lurchers drink more than other hounds.

zola a social thing said...

Merkin only lurches after a few drinks or so it is said.
But he plays his best music then.

Emmett said...

EVERYONE Hereabouts positively /lunges/, on a regimen of (in the winter) what passes for 'brandy', made-for-Tee Vee 'Lite' 'beer', and -- loads of methamphetamine, cooked from the farm-fertiliser paper-sacking I believe. Just be glad that /hund/ of yours -- and /la/ Merkin! -- AIN'T in 'Narcotics Anonymous'!

GRANDPA

zola a social thing said...

fuck me back on the road again.
Gonna wait until the Winter comes, till the Winter comes....... Gonna wait until the Winter comes till the Winter comes........
Just makes me wanna dance and sing.

lavenderblue said...

I won't dance
Don't ask me ....!!

anticant said...

Everyone in the Burrow is delighted at the prospect of an all-singing-and-dancing Winter Zola.

But PLEASE can we have some Summer first?

zola a social thing said...

Summer?
Seen, nicked and spent.

LaviB WILL dance. Zola has ways yer know.

lavenderblue said...

For you,ZoZoBear.......always