Wednesday, 15 August 2007


A fierce argument has been raging around the Burrow dinner table over whether Angela Kelly, the Scottish postal worker who has won £35.4 million in a EuroMillions lottery draw, will really be better off because of this in the long run, and also about how the various Burrow inmates would spend it.

Ben Trovato thinks such a huge jackpot is wasted on someone who probably hasn’t the imagination to use it sensibly, or the common sense to sniff out all the sharks and shysters who will be tumbling over themselves to relieve her of it since she has been foolish enough to identify herself. If Ben had won it, he wouldn’t tell anyone and would endow a Chair at an ancient university for the Trovato Professorship of Bawdy Bardery.

The Beadle thought Mrs Kelly would turn out to be extremely fortunate if in the first instance she used the money to find herself a suitable husband to help her spend the rest of it. If approached, he would be willing to put himself forward as a candidate. He would then set himself up as Principal of the Bumble School of Beadleship, and was sure his new wife would not refuse pupils who asked for more.

Mrs Malaprop thought Mrs K had been foolish to advertise her new wealth. If she herself had been the winner, she would have invested it in Anticant Enterprises and established a chain of Burrows throughout the length and breadth of the kingdom.

Wooffie opened one eye and said “Buy Aspreys”. He then went back to sleep.

Anticant felt concern for Mrs Kelly, and hoped she wouldn’t get taken for a ride by Zola or the Beadle or anyone else. He felt it was quite wrong – indeed, obscene – that such vast sums should be handed out and thought there should be a jackpot upper ceiling of £½million, which was quite enough for anyone even in these inflationary times. If he was such a winner, he would use the money to promote friendship, goodwill and constructive co-operation between people all over the world. Vis-vis Mrs Malaprop’s proposal, he did not fancy turning the Burrow into a replica of McDonald’s, thanks all the same.

What do the Snug crowd think?


lavenderblue said...

I'm with Wooffie.
No way should the silly bitch have identified herself....Jeeez we KNOW what kind of people will be offering the open-hand to grasp a only have to look around at a few of the immediate blogs to pin-prick/point the predators.....
Hope she makes some sense of her life.....
But,yes, the money is too much to cope with.
One mill would be ample,unless of course you are entrapped by afore mentioned predator (s).In which case it could never be enough.

Richard W. Symonds said...

Feeling rather an 'Outsider Of The In-Snug', but enjoying it all the same, I would agree with lavenderblue..."the money is too much to cope with".

Winning £35.4m would 'turn my head'...which is already twisted.

Many years ago I remember having the same kind of conversation with an elderly business gent - but one of those people, you know, who can make you feel at ease, whether you are a prince or a pauper.

Well this pauper listened to this wise gent, who said something like this :

"If I won an incredible amount of money, I would set up a business which employs many people to make it a success.

"The very fact that those employees depended on me to make that business successful, would force me to use the wealth responsibly - and I would also be more happy"

His answer perplexed me at the time - but the older I get, the more I understand the wisdom of his words.

zola a social thing said...

I'll open the box.

Ms Melancholy said...

At least she can afford the therapy that she might need when she realises that she's not any happier.....( or am I assuming too much?)

(I haven't forgotten your questions, by the way, Anticant. Didn't do an awful lot of blogging on holiday, but I shall be posting them up in the next few days.)

zola a social thing said...

I'll take the money.

Emmett said...

LOTTERIES Are the same as celebrity or the royals -- they are a system of publicly crucifying & sneering at the psychologically- & morally-unfit; and, didactically, they are conducted to instruct the lower orders:

'SEE No happiness possible in THIS life, not for YOU bastards at any rate!'

NOW, Zola, YOU will be good enough to just take this biro and endorse that cheque over to Grandpa Emmett, hmm?

Merkin said...

My mother is in terrible pain, on a continuous basis, at the moment.
I said to her 'bet you would swap the 35 million for a pain-free day'?.
She said 'if only I had the option'

anticant said...

Merkin, we are very sorry indeed to hear about your Mother. Please tell her that the kind thoughts and heartfelt good wishes of all at the Burrow are with her.

Merkin said...


zola a social thing said...

Best wishes Merkin for your mother especially as without her we would enjoy you.
But as for that Emit all I can say is "the cheque is in the post, trust me."

ben trovato said...

Haven't you left a "not" out there, Zola? Too many Guinesses-and-Marmites early in the morning?

Mrs Malaprop had better get her stockings on quick.

zola a social thing said...

Sori : Yes.
It should read " without her we would not be able to enjoy you".
Thanks Anticant.
Sori Merkin.

Merkin said...

Cool, Zola, cool - yer hearts in the right place and thatz the main thing.