A fierce argument has been raging around the Burrow dinner table over whether Angela Kelly, the Scottish postal worker who has won £35.4 million in a EuroMillions lottery draw, will really be better off because of this in the long run, and also about how the various Burrow inmates would spend it.
Ben Trovato thinks such a huge jackpot is wasted on someone who probably hasn’t the imagination to use it sensibly, or the common sense to sniff out all the sharks and shysters who will be tumbling over themselves to relieve her of it since she has been foolish enough to identify herself. If Ben had won it, he wouldn’t tell anyone and would endow a Chair at an ancient university for the Trovato Professorship of Bawdy Bardery.
The Beadle thought Mrs Kelly would turn out to be extremely fortunate if in the first instance she used the money to find herself a suitable husband to help her spend the rest of it. If approached, he would be willing to put himself forward as a candidate. He would then set himself up as Principal of the Bumble School of Beadleship, and was sure his new wife would not refuse pupils who asked for more.
Mrs Malaprop thought Mrs K had been foolish to advertise her new wealth. If she herself had been the winner, she would have invested it in Anticant Enterprises and established a chain of Burrows throughout the length and breadth of the kingdom.
Wooffie opened one eye and said “Buy Aspreys”. He then went back to sleep.
Anticant felt concern for Mrs Kelly, and hoped she wouldn’t get taken for a ride by Zola or the Beadle or anyone else. He felt it was quite wrong – indeed, obscene – that such vast sums should be handed out and thought there should be a jackpot upper ceiling of £½million, which was quite enough for anyone even in these inflationary times. If he was such a winner, he would use the money to promote friendship, goodwill and constructive co-operation between people all over the world. Vis-vis Mrs Malaprop’s proposal, he did not fancy turning the Burrow into a replica of McDonald’s, thanks all the same.
What do the Snug crowd think?