Wednesday, 22 August 2007

MALAPROP vs. BURROW BARD

At a hastily convened session of the Burrow Court, Judge Anticant presiding, the complaint of Mrs Malaprop against the Burrow Muse for scribbling graffiti in the Snug was upheld.

The plaintiff said she had been shocked to read an obscene poem by the defendant on a comment thread to a story which she already considered unacceptably vulgar. If she was to continue in her post as Burrow Housekeeper, she required an assurance that such lapses of taste would not be repeated or tolerated.

In support of her case, she said that when the said graffiti had been observed by the Burrow Resident Artist, Ms Lavenderblue, the latter had fainted dead away and had required copious administrations of sal volatile and smelling salts to bring her round.

She also called in evidence Bodwyn Wook, who had confessed to perpetrating the original story but felt that the Bard’s effusions had lowered the tone of the enterprise to an unacceptable degree.

In his own defence, the Bard said that the story’s reference to squirrels had recalled to his mind the true story to which he had appended the offending doggerel. If this was deemed in bad taste, he unreservedly apologised but maintained his view that it was rib-tickling. He called as a character witness Wooffie, who wagged his tail and gave a bleary wink to the Judge.

Judge Anticant said that he deplored such a lax interpretation of the Burrow’s free speech policy, and reminded all concerned that the Burrow’s motto is “Dulce et Decorum”. He found for the plaintiff, and ordered the defendant to present her with half a dozen pairs of woollen stockings of assorted colours within three days, failing which he would be put into the stocks for six hours. He was ordered to hand over his archive to the Beadle for inspection as to suitability prior to further poetic postings.

14 comments:

Merkin said...

Is Mrs Malaprop the entity formerly known as Norah Batty?

Emmett said...

FELCAT Atque non felcat gerbilus aderit. -- Wookensis Cunctator

zola a social thing said...

Bugger me Bondage now is it?
Stocks indeed.
Does Mrs Malprop really go in for that kind of thing?

Anonymous said...

It is time to have a "BE KIND TO MRS MELAPROP WEEK".
I know this because of instinct.
It is very difficult to find staff today for good service so I ask that we all come together and satisfy her needs.
I begin by saying that Mrs Malaprop is preferable, by a very long way, to the lost cherry that Blair seeks.

Emmett said...

NOW Look here, you villains, /I/ am off to the Twin Cities to-morrow at the crack of crow-piss on business and will not be back in range until in the bloody gloaming on the Saturday -- so, pray do, let's just keep the Vile Bastardy & Loathsome Wind-Ups to a dull roar, eh? Or, there well may be a recrudescence of the cold tea, aspirin & stomach-rinses chatter among senior staff & which proved so difficult of abatement last time around, hmm?

s/Wook, CC & Sr Physician, #47 Detention NHS Hospital

zola a social thing said...

Have a good trip E-Wookie but you are a few years late to see those two cities at their height.
The bestest of times beams only from Lapland as the sun shines and the neighbour cuts the grass in a scanti outfit.
The worstest of times? Mrs Malaprop wants to join in the fray but is under a self-internal investigation of that which is right and wrong.

Anticant has, is is said, sent off many telegrams asking for support for this Parisian caper to be taken well and truly in hand.

Anonymous said...

Berlin anybody?

lavenderblue said...

well....what can I say.....

zola a social thing said...

Say Notts!

Merkin said...

Twin cities?
Glasgow+Glasgow.

Emmett said...

"I'M Farting out" as we say in American, up here on Lake Cornelia, in Edina. But it's coming sparrow-fart over there, so here's something to help along the Weetabix:

http://oldunclecrow.wordpress.com/2007/04/10/royal-navy-in-space-future-spacecraft-names/

Grandpa!

adam said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Yankee Doodle said...

I linked to this blog under the "Off Topic" heading at mine.

Cheers! :)

boldscot said...

Ooooooh, must be famous, Grumpy - your first spam bot has arrived.
Take care.