Tuesday, 2 October 2007

WOOFFIE'S EVIDENCE

Wooffie lurched into the witness box, hiccupping slightly. When told by Dame Barbara to bark once for ‘yes’ and twice for ‘no’, he nodded blearily.

‘Now, Wooffie’, said Dame Barbara, ‘do you recognise the defendant?’. Wooffie barked once.

‘Do you trust her?’ Two barks.

‘Have you been keeping an eye on her?’ One bark.

‘Have you watched her through bedroom keyholes?’ One bark.

‘Oh, the treacherous hound!’ exclaimed the Crafty Chambermaid.

‘Did you see her rummaging under beds?’ One bark.

‘And was she concentrating on her cleaning duties?’ Two barks.

‘Did she remove any items of Miss Marple’s and Mrs Malaprop’s personal belongings?’ One bark.

Cross-examined by Miss Marple, Wooffie indicated that he had followed Dorcas into Burrowville, and had sneaked after her unobserved into the saloon bar of the Anticant Arms, where she was joined by a man who Wooffie identified as Snoopy Scribbler. Pretending to be asleep, Wooffie had seen, out of the corner of one eye, Dorcas talking into a tape recorder and then putting a large bundle of bank notes into her apron pocket.

Asked how he felt about this, Wooffie suddenly vomited and was hastily ordered by Dame Barbara to leave the witness box.

9 comments:

mrs malaprop said...

The chambermaid can clean that up!

Emmett said...

COMMENT By Vestryman Wook:

'AS A Cat sort of a chap, and not a "dog person", I of course /am/ minded to question the entire veracity of that secret badger-hound & ambulatory stomach, Woofie!'

s/Wookie

ben trovato said...

Anticant, as you know, is a cat person too but all of us in the Burrow [except the Crafty Chambermaid] have a soft spot for Wooffie, our loveable pearl-gathering brandy-swilling St Bernard rescue pooch.

the crafty chambermaid said...

You'll never guess what I found under Wooffie's basket!

lavenderblue said...

Wooffie is innocent.

Wooffie said...

One bark and lots of tail wagging for you, Miss Lavender [proffers brandy barrel].

Wooffie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ben trovato said...

Sorry - Wooffie was sick again.

trousers said...

Under wooffie's basket?
Ten barracudas and a year's supply of tobacco. No? Just a guess...