Thursday, 31 January 2008


As the Burrow inmates groggily resurface from their prolonged New Year colds, Ben Trovato was heartened to find the following, which he relays for the benefit of Snug regulars and other friends:

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.

By following simple advice, heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed: the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished and before leaving the house this morning...

I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

Sunday, 20 January 2008


Tirelessly surfing the internet, the ever-vigilant Ben Trovato has unearthed the following gem, sent by His Majesty's Ambassador in Moscow to a colleague at the Foreign Office during WW2:

6th April 1943
Lord Pembroke
The Foreign Office

My Dear Reggie,

In these dark days man tends to look for little shafts of light that spill from Heaven. My days are probably darker than yours, and I need, my God I do, all the light I can get. But I am a decent fellow, and I do not want to be mean and selfish about what little brightness is shed upon me from time to time. So I propose to share with you a tiny flash that has illuminated my sombre life and tell you that God has given me a new Turkish colleague whose card tells me that he is called Mustapha Kunt.

We all feel like that, Reggie, now and then, especially when Spring is upon us, but few of us would care to put it on our cards. It takes a Turk to do that.

[sgd] Archie
Sir Archibald Clerk Kerr,
H.M. Ambassador.

Thursday, 17 January 2008



After anxious cogitation, we have commissioned Miss Marple to enquire and report back as to the whereabouts of a certain Ms Melancholy, who has been missing from her blog since the end of October.

According to evidence supplied by the lady herself prior to her disappearance, supplemented by subsequent rumour, our friendly neighbourhood therapist has taken herself off to a lesbian menage deep in the countryside where [she alleges] BT cannot provide her with broadband facilities and there is also apparently dial-up failure.

Despite mounting unease amongst her growing band of unhappy fans, Ms M has so far not resurfaced. Bearing in mind the famous episode when Miss Marple's creator, the great Dame Agatha Christie, vanished for some weeks and turned up in a genteel Harrogate hotel claiming amnesia, we thought that Miss Marple was the obvious sleuth to unravel the deepening Ms Melancholy mystery.

She will need all the help she can get, not least from all those now posting on Ms Melancholy's thread who may have even the faintest clues to her whereabouts.

Monday, 14 January 2008



New Year 2008 has not kicked off well in the Burrow. After a quiet Christmas - Anticant overcooked the turkey, of course, in my absence - and just one small neighbourhood gathering in the Snug, Ben Trovato succumbed to a nasty cold germ on New Year's Eve and though Anticant resolutely ignored it for as long as possible, he too is now sneezing, sniffling and coughing fit to scare off the foxes, squirrels, and birds who visit the garden. Even Wooffie has been sneezing.

The Beadle and I had to return hastily from our secret honeymoon location to nurse the sorry pair, and we are now busily engaged in keeping the home fires burning. Dame Barbara - thank goodness - elected to stay away until the Burrow is declared a Safe Zone, when she will doubtless return post-haste her head swimming in pink gin and teeming with new plots of chaste romance.

Meanwhile, Anticant and Ben wish all Snug regulars, and new friends, a Happy, Prosperous, and above all Healthy New Year and look forward to your company - even Zola's, if he can tear himself away from that lusty female production line he's waxing so lyrical about.