Wednesday, 9 April 2008

SAFETY IN NUMBERS?

In Anticant’s absence, Ben Trovato has been diligently scouring cyberspace for titbits worthy of reproduction in the Burrow. Here is his latest find: 

An elderly gentleman who is less potent than he was in his youth consults his doctor, who after trying many unsuccessful remedies refers him to an African Witch Doctor.

Saying 'I can cure this', the Witch Doctor throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash followed by billowing blue smoke. ‘This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year’, the African explains. ‘All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!'

The patient asks, 'What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?' The Witch Doctor replies, 'When your partner can take no more sex and is completely satisfied, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned, your potency will not return again for another year…'

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in expensive perfumes. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says '123', and suddenly he has the most gigantic erection, just as the Witch Doctor promised. His wife turns over and asks, 'What did you say '123' for?'

The Beadle and Mrs Malaprop have asked Ben to confirm that this tale bears no relation to any denizens of the Burrow.
 

23 comments:

zola a social thing said...

It is clear that the hols have given our ole Antipostmodernirony a new lease of the under-the-blankets life.

Sexist comments now we see.
Be Jesus what next?

Welcome home Anti-the-still-sprightly-subterfuge.

USeducated said...

So it is true that Anticant is into oral culture (123four) rather than book culture where the word has meaning.
I agree with the Zola comment. Anticant is postmodernity in denial.

bwook said...

'1, 2, 3...?' Hard to believe for a fact, I should say!

Merkin said...

just think what would have happened if she had said '4,5,6' in return.

anticantagent said...

4,5,6 do the twist
Do you like it like this
Tell me.
.....
1,2,3 BAAAAAAA; 1,2,3 BAAAAAAA

butwhatif said...

... 3, 2, 1. I'm c-c-om-m-ming... ready or not!

Ooops. Wrong website.

Merkin said...

'Ooops. Wrong website.'
Wrong, right website.

Merkin said...

Sorry, Anti.
You know your patrons as does any publican.
Sometimes you have to put up with it.
Since the funeral, I have had to say the same thing to more than one publican.
Things will balance.

Merkin said...

'The Beadle and Mrs Malaprop have asked Ben to confirm that this tale bears no relation to any denizens of the Burrow.'
.
I hereby inform you that I have engaged SueGrabbitandRun to keep a watching brief on the scandalous goings on in this den of thieves.
Mrs. Mccann (and ClarenceMitchell)

anticant said...

A den of drunkenness and [in Dame Barbara's absence] iniquity the Burrow may be; a den of thieves it is NOT!

Libel writs are being issued immediately on our behalf by Messrs. Wink, Nod, and Tongueincheek.

zola a social thing said...

Does AntiKantian confirm that this "tail bears no relation"?
Rumour has it that the Beadle has been involved in "special holiday weekends in Devon". Just rumours.
The neighbours were not amused.
But the beat goes on.

bwook said...

AH, Me, 'tis time to drop by MY old soliciters I reckon, Ferret, Ferret, Poke & Pry, hmm?

butwhatif said...

"Rumour has it that the Beadle has been involved in "special holiday weekends in Devon". "

I hope the Beadle found the place. Why use satnav when Peter Snow's Swingometer would do the trick. Or a Tom-Tom-Sarah-and-Sue.

zola a social thing said...

Why does Anticant always bring sex into our table talk?

ben trovato said...

Because it brings in the customers!

anticant said...

Because two of the only three topics worth talking about - religion and politics - are barred from the Burrow as being too serious, which only leaves sex, which isn't.

dame barbara de carteblanche said...

Even my heroines - bosom-heavingly chaste though they be prior to matrimony - are aware of the facts of life.

human rights activist from usa said...

Let them all hang down babs.
Power to the hung-down boobs.

Anonymous said...

Human rights activist - You are not
Andrea Dworkin
posting from beyond the grave, are you?

anticant said...

Andrea Dworkin? Give me Eartha Kitt any day!

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zola a social thing said...

Wow! What do yoUU say about that me old and sentimental Anticant?
At long last our beloved Anticant is on the stage.

bwook said...

HULLO, What's going on in effing England? It persists cold here, a late Spring for a fact, onl three days thus far above sixty degrees, to-day only 43 at 10 in the ack-emma & oh, Hell!

AUNTY, Click on Bodwyn Wook and see the nice picture 'Ferret' sent on to us -- canny & mathematical young women have changed since I was a callow & moraly ambiguous young sexist!