Tuesday, 6 May 2008

BY HELICOPTER!

Another of Ben's gleanings:

Morris and his wife Esther went to the Yorkshire Show every year and every year Morris would say "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

Esther always replied "I know Morris; but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid."

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter I might never get another chance."

To this Esther replied "Morris, that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid."

The pilot overheard the couple and said "Listen folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word it's fifty quid."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said "By golly! I did everything I could to get you to yell out but you didn't. I'm really impressed!'

Morris replied "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out; but, you know, fifty quid is fifty quid."

The Beadle wishes to make it quite clear that he and Mrs Malaprop never visit the Yorkshire Show, and do not like riding in helicopters.

Dame Barbara is currently concocting her latest airy romance Up Up and Away - a tall tale of thrills and spills.

Ben is kept busy supplying her with copious pink gins.

Anticant impatiently awaits the approaching pageant of summer.

Wooffie is wearing his second-best pearls.

14 comments:

zola a social thing said...

Was the family name Blair?
You know copting out" and all that where 50 quid is 50 quid?
Welcome back to the real world Anti spankingreturns.

anticant said...

"The real world"? You'll never believe this, but I had lunch with Lady Thatcher yesterday! Well - in the same dining room. I may not get out much but when I do, I go to the right[?] places.

zola a social thing said...

Me ed spins.
Hope me tail end gives stability.

trousers said...

Oh my word, following the mirth from that posting, I suddenly fell into a very serious mood upon noting your lunch qui vicino Mrs Thatcher. I was about to make all sorts of suggestions about what actions you might have taken but that could be tantamount to incitement....

trousers said...

'scuse the very bad Italian phrase too :)

anticant said...

If it had been Tony Bliar I couldn't have kept my lunch down!

bwook said...

SWMBO here at home in Faribault County on the Minnesota Southern Tier keeps threatening me wityh a joyride in a small plane she won in a Silent Auction at the 2006 Summer Gardens Tour..."Bollards to THAT!" say Grampa.

anticant said...

I did not say "bollards" to Lady Thatcher. I did not say anything to her. I don't think she would have noticed me if I had. She looked somewhat vague.

Merkin said...

I hope you spat at her for me!!

anticant said...

No, I did NOT! I am not the spitting type [except when lewd Scottish drunks heave into view]. Incredible as it may seem to you, I observed her with compassion, as it's sad to see a once-powerful figure - however misguided she was in some respects - reduced to such physical frailty.

Need I say I empathise with that?

bwi said...

You should have snatched away her milk, at the very least.

Merkin said...

'No, I did NOT!'
.
Well, hopefully, when I am doing my grand tour, before departing, and I invite you to lunch at Fat Sam's transport cafe, she will pop in and i can cast my vote.
'reduced to such physical frailty.'
.
Need I remind you of our holiday last year?
'(Later, I find out that Our Dear Friend makes Desperate Dan seem like like a rank amateur and, where appropriate, Red Rum seem like a knackered carthorse, but that is for another time)'
.
http://bloggersontherun.blogspot.com/2007_06_01_archive.html

beadle of the parish said...

Oh yes you did !

Bodwyn Wook said...

NOT To change the subject or nothing, but ain't this "ruling" General in Burma a sort of a twat? For morality, he is right up there with the careerist Rumsfeld, "Dickless" Cheney and not a few OTHER essholes, eh? Then there is that repulsive old darkey down in Zimbabwe, doing his bedtime-stories Uncle Remus-act to little white farmer-boys on his knee....