tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344969840203245322024-03-07T18:11:50.003+00:00anticant's burrowanticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.comBlogger323125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-27980254884132123032009-10-05T13:22:00.002+00:002009-10-05T13:31:05.248+00:00THEY NEVER LET YOU WIN<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAnthony%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAnthony%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAnthony%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> 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font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">Some years ago, anticant attended a short introductory course on psychoanalytic method at the arch-temple of Freudianism in Hampstead.</p><p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">It was a fascinating experience.</p><p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-family: trebuchet ms;" class="MsoNormal">The group of trainees, students, or whatever we were assembled in the room shortly before the session was due to begin. On the dot of the hour, the group leader – a staff member – entered the room without greeting us and provided an interpretative running commentary on whatever transpired between the group members during the ensuing hour. On the dot of the finishing time, she rose and stalked out of the room without looking at anyone or saying goodbye, whatever group interaction was in progress.</p><p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p face="trebuchet ms" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">Her gimmick was never to address any of the group members directly, or to respond to their questions or comments except impersonally and obliquely.</p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">This gave rise to a few hilarious moments. One pugnacious young man did his damnedest to provoke her into a direct exchange, without any success. At last he said: “Are all XXX Institute consultants such a pain in the arse?” Obviously slightly stung, but endeavouring to maintain her aloof composure, Mrs Z looked into the distance and said: “Miss Y (who was at the back of the room) has been in other XXX Institute groups, and can doubtless give her assessment of the relative pain-in-the-arseness of XXX Institute consultants”. Whereupon Miss Y demurely intimated that she wouldn’t dream of presuming to do any such thing.
<br /></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">When the course ended, anticant thought to himself ”Well, I’ll see if I can get her to communicate directly with me”. <span style=""> </span>So he sent her a box of chocolates, with a note saying how interesting he had found the course.
<br /></p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">He received a third-hand reply from her secretary, saying “Mrs Z has asked me to thank you for the chocolates”.</p><p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">
<br /></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" class="MsoNormal">At that point even anticant gave up! <span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span></p> anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-57391707129472131602009-08-28T19:24:00.004+00:002009-08-28T19:33:59.706+00:00WHEN IRISH EYES ARE SMILING......<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >Ben </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">found this in the </span></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >Times</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"> (27 August):</span><br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >Gerry Adams</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"> can contain himself no longer. The Sinn Fein leader made this touching declaration at a hunger strike commemoration:</span><br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" >"The Republican struggle was not, and is not, about bums on executive seats - even a bum as delectable as Martin McGuinness's."</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Have we been missing something? I had always thought that the Republican struggle was about bombs on non-executive streets.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">One lives and learns.</span></span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-91725735256973646372009-08-25T20:06:00.005+00:002009-08-25T20:33:10.289+00:00ZOLA WILL LAPP THIS ONE UP<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAnthony%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAnthony%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" 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Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Lucida Sans Unicode","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-size:12.0pt; mso-ansi-font-size:12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:12.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family:"Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-hansi-font-family:"Lucida Sans Unicode"; mso-bidi-font-family:"Lucida Sans Unicode";} @page Section1 {size:595.3pt 841.9pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold;"><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">Ben Trovato writes:</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold;">
<br /><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" ><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold;"><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">A virile middle-aged Italian gentleman named Silvio was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.<span style=""> </span>After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, 'So, you finish?'<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">Surprised, Silvio reached for her and the rattling resumed.<span style=""> </span>This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Silvio smiled and asked, 'You finish?'<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, 'No.'<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Silvio reached for the woman yet again.<span style=""> </span>Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">Exhausted, Silvio fell onto his back, gasping.<span style=""> </span>Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, 'You finish?'<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;">
<br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispered in his ear, 'No, I Norwegian!'</span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:10;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; font-family: lucida grande; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-25153047358114932822009-08-01T19:01:00.003+00:002009-08-01T19:06:24.883+00:00A WIFE TOO MANY<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link 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mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">Some years ago I had a cleaning lady who lived across the road. Sarah was an elderly widow – so she thought – who wore an obvious wig and had a lugubrious air which was explained when she told me her history.</span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">Some fifteen years earlier her husband had vanished, leaving her with two small children who she had struggled to bring up on her own. All her efforts to trace him had failed, and she believed he must be dead.</span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">Then one day Sarah came over to me shaking with fury. “Do you know what?” she said, “You’d never believe it. That husband of mine has telephoned me bold as brass, saying that he’s visiting London from Australia <i style="">WITH HIS NEW WIFE </i></span><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-size:130%;">and they’d like me to meet them for a drink!! I told him I’d see him in Hades first.”</span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">I sympathised, but that wasn’t the end of Sarah’s woes. Her two children, now aged around 20, were naturally curious to meet their long-lost father, and did so (and his “new wife” too). I sympathised both with them and also with Sarah, who understandably looked upon their fraternising with ‘the enemy’ as treachery.</span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">Relations in that family were quite strained for some time afterwards. It was one of those sad situations where there can’t be an easy or a happy ending. </span></span><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=""> </span></p> anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-90638005088294415612009-05-08T21:06:00.003+00:002009-05-08T21:10:24.555+00:00GOOD ADVICE FOR THE ELDERLY<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Forwarded by a friend:</span><br /><br /><pre style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);" wrap="">Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about ageing that you think in fractions.<br /><br />'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key .<br /><br />You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.<br /><br />'How old are you?' 'I'm going to be 16!' You could be 13, but hey,<br />you're going to be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ....<br /><br />You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21.<br />YESSSS!!!<br /><br />But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?<br /><br />You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.<br /><br />But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!<br /><br />So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.<br /><br />You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a<br />day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!<br /><br />You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime.. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'<br /><br />Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a<br />little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'<br />May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!<br /><br />HOW TO STAY YOUNG<br /><br />1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.<br />Let the doctors worry about them. That is what they are paid for<br /><br />2. Keep only cheerful friends. The miseries pull you down.<br /><br />3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computers, gardening, whatever.<br />Never let the brain be idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'<br />And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.<br /><br />4. Enjoy the simple things.<br /><br />5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.<br /><br />6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.<br /><br />7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets,<br />keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.. Your home is your refuge.<br /><br />8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.<br /><br />9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.<br /><br />10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.<br /><br />AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :<br />Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the<br />moments that take our breath away.<br /><br /></pre>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-29364041089295549332009-01-05T08:37:00.003+00:002009-01-05T08:43:35.353+00:00MEALY-MOUTHED LEARNING<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" >“This is Watercliffe Meadow, a place for learning” says Linda Kingdon, the head teacher at this newly-opened Sheffield educational establishment (actually, primary school). “We decided…we didn’t want to use the word ‘school’ [because] it had very negative connotations for many of the parents of the children here. We want this to be a place for family learning, where anyone can come…There are no whistles or bells or locked doors.”</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" >But according to the </span><a style="font-family: lucida grande; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);" href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/4075423/Primary-school-drops-word-school-from-name-as-too-negative.html">Telegraph</a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" >, the Campaign for Plain English, which opposes ‘the use of gobbledygook in public life’, describes the decision as “ridiculous and part of a political correctness agenda”.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" >Well, we learned – at school – that a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet. And a school, by any other name, will be as good or as bad, as pleasant or as unpleasant, as those administering and attending it choose to make it. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" >In these verbally degenerate days, however, time-honoured names have to be twisted, and even banned, so as to avoid possible offence or hurt feelings. So lollipop ladies become “crossing patrol officers”, teachers are called “knowledge navigators”, and dinner ladies re-emerge as – wait for it! – “education centre nourishment production assistants”.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:lucida grande;" >What such custodians of the language as Fowler and Sir Ernest Gowers would make of all this beats me. The most likely thing I would want an “education centre nourishment production assistant” to pass me is the sick bag.</span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-38985228983102131442008-12-31T06:28:00.003+00:002008-12-31T06:33:28.126+00:00OLD ANTICANT'S CLOUDY CRYSTAL BALL<span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Peering into the murky depths of looming 2009, Mystic Anticant ventures to predict that the following won’t happen:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >World ‘leaders’ start behaving morally and responsibly.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Barak Obama ushers in a New Golden Age.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Gordon Brown saves the universe.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Boom and Bust are officially abolished [again].</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Crowds throng the streets chanting “Things Can Only Get Better”.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Pope makes a pilgrimage to Mecca.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Archbishop of Canterbury says something sensible.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Osama bin Laden makes a State Visit to Buckingham Palace.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Taliban sets up a womens’ university.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Israeli lion lies down with the Palestinian jackall.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Nanny State admits it doesn’t know best, and dismantles itself.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Zola votes Conservative.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Merkin sobers up.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Wook becomes Mayor of Mankato.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Anticant suffers fools gladly.</span><br /></span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-53474488043027935912008-12-26T07:51:00.004+00:002008-12-26T08:56:17.948+00:00AND WHAT DID YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS?<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >Ben gave Anticant a tee shirt inscribed with the words of Benjamin Disraeli:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:verdana;" >"MY IDEA OF AN AGREEABLE PERSON IS A PERSON WHO AGREES WITH ME"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >Needless to say, Anticant always finds Ben very agreeable.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >Lavenderblue sent some scrumptious chocolate truffles.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >A kind cousin also sent some lovely chocolates and a bottle of very special champagne.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >A friend in the country sent some home-made membrillo [quince paste], which we had never tasted before, and which is delicious.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >Mrs Malaprop gave Anticant and Ben each a very smart shirt. Evidently she thinks they should get out more. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >So although the Burrow Christmas celebrations this year were cancelled because of the ghastly 'flu that still hangs around, we weren't forgotten, and hope to be in better shape for the New Year. </span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-48419154790156205802008-12-18T04:14:00.002+00:002008-12-18T04:25:46.651+00:00MERRY YULETIDE<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" >Scraping the barrel for uncostly prezzies, BEN TROVATO came up with </span><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAnthony%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:36.0pt; mso-footer-margin:36.0pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><a style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaNWHfvYHZo&NR=1">this</a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" >. </span>
<br />
<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" >Here in the Burrow, the festive season will thankfully be more traditional - mince pies galore by Mrs Malaprop, free drinks on the house in the Snug, a carol concert by Dame Barbara's Heavenly Choir of Virtuous Virgins [ guitar backing by Cliff and the Shadows], while Anticant will be giving readings from selected portions of his newly published Memoirs </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" >Low Life at the Top.
<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">
<br /></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" >The Beadle will ensure propriety and due decorum.</span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">
<br />
<br /></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-family:verdana;" >By Order</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">
<br /></span></span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-34120526097577210182008-12-08T20:24:00.001+00:002008-12-08T20:26:08.126+00:00IS THIS A RACIST JOKE?<span style="font-weight: bold;">Ben Trovato</span> says 'I don't care. I think it's very funny.<br /><br /><pre style="font-family: lucida grande; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" wrap="">The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.<br /><br />The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'<br />The French woman just sniffed, and said to no one in particular,<br />'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'<br /><br />The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was<br />under that dog.<br /><br />'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'<br /><br />She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'<br /><br />This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little<br />dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.<br /><br />The woman shrieked, 'someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'<br /><br />An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road, and now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.’<br /><br /></pre>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-62812040705944334702008-12-05T07:52:00.004+00:002008-12-05T08:12:06.986+00:00POND LIFE<span style="font-weight: bold;">Ben Trovato says:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Three little frogs arrived at the gates of Heaven, where St Peter conducted the usual cross-examination before admitting them.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">"And how did you spend your life?" he asked the first little frog, who replied "Oh, I didn't do anything very much, really, except jump in and out of puddles." </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">"That sounds harmless enough, said St Peter. "In you go." Then he turned to the second little frog, who gave the same reply and was nodded through.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">The third little frog was dressed up to the nines, with long curling eyelashes and a touch of makeup.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">"Tell me", said St Peter, "what have you been doing all your life?"</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">The little creature simpered and said "Oh, I'm Puddles!" </span></span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-46386311257233464052008-11-15T04:09:00.002+00:002008-11-15T04:15:00.979+00:00A CONFESSION TOO FARBEN TROVATO writes:<br /><br />While Anticant and Dame Barbara are frolicking in warm thermal baths [or wish they were], I am minding the shop, with the invaluable assistance of the faithful Beadle and Mrs Malaprop, not to mention Wooffie [who says "why not?"].<br /><br />Gleanings from the internet joke factory have been a bit sparse lately, but I thought the following might amuse - though the bad language at the end will doubtless shock Zola to the core:<br /><br /><pre style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);" wrap="">WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?<br /><br />HUSBAND: Definitely not!<br /><br />WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?<br /><br />HUSBAND: Of course I do.<br /><br />WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?<br /><br />HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.<br /><br />WIFE: You would? (With a hurt look on her face).<br /><br />HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan).<br /><br />WIFE: Would you live in our house?<br /><br />HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.<br /><br />WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?<br /><br />HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?<br /><br />WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?<br /><br />HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.<br /><br />WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?<br /><br />HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.<br /><br />WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?<br /><br />HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.<br /><br />WIFE: - silence -<br /><br />HUSBAND: Fuck....<br /><br /><br /></pre>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-64887002003200761702008-08-30T18:13:00.004+00:002008-08-30T18:20:06.957+00:00PETTY CASH-IN<pre wrap=""><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ben </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">has been browsing again and came up with this</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">. </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">which he is venturing to post as Dame Barbara is away:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >An old but still ruggedly handsome Navy Chief Petty Officer found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Chief for conversation.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >"Excuse me, Chief, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >"No, ma'am. Just serious by nature."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Chief just stared at her in his serious manner.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you've been with a woman?"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >"1955, ma'am."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking </span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >everything so seriously, I mean, 1955!"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to spend some time with him. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Chief, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."</span></span></pre>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-69138098367577158012008-07-09T01:24:00.006+00:002008-07-09T01:31:07.047+00:00WELL, WHAT DO UNO?<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Ben's</span></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"> latest gleaning:</span><br /><br /><pre style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-family:verdana;" wrap="">Last month the UN conducted a worldwide survey asking:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"</span><br /><br />The survey was a huge failure.<br /><br />In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.<br /><br />In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.<br /><br />In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.<br /><br />In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.<br /><br />In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.<br /><br />In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.<br /><br />In the US they didn't know what "rest of the world" meant.<br /><br /></pre>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-17345185426251739732008-06-25T06:07:00.002+00:002008-06-25T06:11:04.852+00:00NO COMMENTThis landed in <span style="font-weight: bold;">Ben's</span> inbox:<br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?' </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> 'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, David Miliband and Jack Straw. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> They're asking for a £10 million ransom. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.' </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?' </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> 'Most people are giving about a gallon.'</span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-1069716437622733522008-06-24T19:30:00.003+00:002008-06-24T19:43:42.742+00:00DEFINITELY NOT CRICKET!<span style="font-weight: bold;">During <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Anticant's</span> absence in sunny Italy, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Ben</span> has been whiling away the time rummaging through Anticant's Archive, and has come up with the following offering by Rhoda Tuck Pook which will kindle nostalgic memories among mid-20th century cricket aficionados:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">"An unfortunate thing about Arlott,</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> And his confrere E.W. Swanton,</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> Is that one will rhyme only to 'harlot'</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> And the other to nothing but 'wanton'.</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> Are they greatly annoyed </span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> If disciples of Freud</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> Have these omens employed</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> And their honour destroyed?</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> For there's nothing whatever suggestive in Arlott,</span><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"> Or, of course, in his opposite number - that's Swanton."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">When reminded of this, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Anticant</span> commented sourly that in these lily-livered days, libel writs would already be flying in the direction of the hapless poetess and her publishers. </span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-42287358202454165662008-06-12T14:17:00.003+00:002008-06-12T16:01:50.337+00:00IT DOESN'T TAKE INCEST TO MAKE AN IMBECILE<p face="verdana" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-family: verdana;">One of the joys of blogging is that one every now and then comes across fascinating nuggets of totally useless recondite information that boggle the mind.</p> <p face="verdana" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-family: verdana;">Thus, from a commentator on Ken Frost’s “Nanny Knows Best” blog we learn that the borough of <st1:place st="on">Wigan</st1:place> and Leigh is privileged to possess an official who is styled the ‘Hate Crimes Co-ordinator’, and who has, according to his own testimony, been in post for the past five years. This gentleman – who shall be nameless here, although the poster who I am quoting is bolder than I am – recently delivered himself of the following priceless observation in the local press:<span style=""><br /></span></p><p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:verdana;"><span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-style: italic;">“Imbeciles was the old name for those children that are borne from incestuous relationships. It is a little known fact that a certain area within the borough of wigan and leigh had the highest rate of imbeciles in the </span><st1:country-region style="font-style: italic;" st="on"><st1:place st="on">UK</st1:place></st1:country-region><span style="font-style: italic;">. Its true to say that at one point in the history of the borough....some fathers thought on it as their priveledge to de-flower their daughters. Infact in some areas, it was the expectation. Thank goodness for new blood coming into the Borough. The aggression from some people on the issue of 'new blood coming into the area' is, the view of many,...that this is infact remnants of 'the good old days',..as it were.” </span>[Spelling and punctuation as in original].</p> <p face="verdana" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-family: verdana;">This, as “Nanny’s” poster points out, amounts to a hate crime in itself, and one would imagine that there are now districts of Wigan and Leigh which the Hate Crimes Co-ordinator would be prudent to regard as personal no-go areas. I doubt whether this was the scenario George Orwell had in mind when he set out on the road to <st1:place st="on">Wigan</st1:place> pier all those years ago.</p> <p style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Since reading this juicy item, Ben Trovato has been wandering around the Burrow composing a saucy limerick about the Incestuous Fathers of Wigan, muttering suitably vulgar rhymes to himself. He has been sternly forbidden by Dame Barbara to publish it here, on pain of her instant departure with her fictional flock of unravished virgins.</span><span style=""> </span></p> <p style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-65647586758610575332008-06-07T17:09:00.002+00:002008-06-07T17:14:54.711+00:00WE'VE ALL BEEN HERE!<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">The inimitable Wook has just produced </span><a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://bodwyn.wordpress.com/2008/06/06/for-those-who-remember-whos-oon-first/">this gem</a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">, for which we hereby nominate him an Honorary Life Member of the Burrow Snug.</span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-4523782931994887832008-06-07T03:45:00.003+00:002008-06-07T17:16:35.515+00:00EVERY MOTHER NEEDS ONE - BUT 54??<span style="font-weight: bold;">Ben Trovato</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">found </span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/parents.gif">this </a><span style="font-weight: bold;">in the Burrow bookshop. And it wasn't even on the top shelf!</span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-43516492447991260662008-05-14T16:54:00.004+00:002008-05-14T17:03:33.797+00:00A MESSAGE TO THE VOTERS OF CREWE AND NANTWICH<span style="font-weight: bold;">From Ben Trovato, Burrow Bucolic Independent candidate:<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a heart attack and dies, because the Accident and Emergency Dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the PM. "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity." "But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown. "I'm sorry, But we have our rules," Peter interjects; and, with that, he escorts Brown to an elevator which takes him down, down, down ...all the way to Hell. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Harold Wilson and many other Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years: John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc. All the former Labour Party leaders are there. Everyone is laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants'. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink,"Have a tequila and relax, Gord!" </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >"Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly. "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!" Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke resembling George Bush who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime ... promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator and heads upward.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special! "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me for this!" The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity." </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this; I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all, but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian Outback, but worse and more desolate. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-family:trebuchet ms;" >The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder." I don't understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time! Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!" The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Ah, but yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!" </span><pre><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p> </o:p></span></pre> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><o:p> </o:p></span></p>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-9243954177891272622008-05-09T16:47:00.002+00:002008-05-09T16:57:09.742+00:00NO LIFE FOR A SELF-RESPECTING BEADLE!<pre><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span></pre><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">The Beadle has just returned from attending a weekend study conference to learn more about the history and practice of his ancient office. He was mortified to learn that in their medieval incarnation, beadles were a forerunner of modern sanitary inspectors, and brought back the following report from John Kelly's The Great Mortality: An intimate history of the Black Death, the most devastating plague of all time [pages 70-71]:</span> <pre><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre><span style="font-family:Verdana;">===<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><o:p> </o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">London</span></st1:place></st1:city><span style="font-family:Verdana;"> supplemented its sewer system with municipal<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">sanitation workers. Every ward in the city had a cadre of<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">inspectors, the Dickensian-named "beadles" and<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">"under-beadles," who probed, peered, sniffed, and<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">questioned their way along the medieval street. Was waste<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">being cleared from housefronts? Were alleys being kept<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">clean? Better-off Londoners often built indoor privies,<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">or garderobes, over alleyways, suspending them "on two<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">beams laid from one house to the other."<span style=""> </span>For the<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">garderobe’s owner, the privy meant liberation - no more<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">chamber pots on cold nights - but for his neighbours, it<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">meant piles of dung in the alley, a medley of frightful<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">odours, and swarms of flies (rats do not usually feed on<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">human waste). Beadles and under-beadles also investigated<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">acts of sanitary piracy. The year before the plague<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">arrived in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">England</st1:place></st1:country-region>, two malefactors were arrested for<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">piping their waste into the cellar of an unsuspecting<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">neighbour.<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><o:p> </o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Under the beadles were the rakers, the people who did the<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">actual cleaning up.<span style=""> </span>Rakers swept out gutters, disposed of<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">dead animal carcasses, shovelled refuse from the streets<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">and alleys, and hauled it to the <st1:place st="on">Thames</st1:place> or other dumping<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">points, like the <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Fleet</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">River</st1:placetype></st1:place>.<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><o:p> </o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">The beadles and rakers not only had the dirtiest job in<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">medieval <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">London</st1:place></st1:city>, but the most thankless as well. In 1332<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">a beadle in Cripplegate Ward was attacked by an<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">assailant who, to add insult to injury, stole the<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">beadle's cart; a few years later, two women in<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Billingsgate heaped such abuse on a team of rakers,<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">municipal authorities ordered the women arrested. Indeed,<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">judging from contemporary accounts, medieval <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">London</st1:place></st1:city> seems<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">to have been engaged in a low-level civil war sanitation.<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">On one side were miscreants, like the foul-mouthed<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Billingsgate ladies and William E. Cosner, the garbage<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">king of Farringdon Without.<span style=""> </span>On the other side, the king,<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Edward III, who thundered, "Filth [is] being thrown from<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">houses by day and night"; the nervous mayor, who tried<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">to assuage these royal outbursts with a flurry of widely<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">ignored sanitation ordinances; the much-abused beadles,<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">under-beadles, and rakers; and irate private citizens<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;">like the murderous shop owner.<o:p></o:p></span></pre><pre style="text-align: justify; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><o:p> </o:p></span></pre><pre><br /><br /></pre><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <pre><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span><br /><br /></pre><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <pre><span style="font-family:Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></pre>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-65244633855177440872008-05-06T21:47:00.007+00:002008-05-06T22:25:05.431+00:00BY HELICOPTER!Another of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Ben's </span>gleanings:<br /><br /><pre style="font-weight: bold;font-family:lucida grande;" wrap=""><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >Morris and his wife Esther went to the Yorkshire Show every year and every year Morris would say "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >Esther always replied "I know Morris; but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter I might never get another chance."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >To this Esther replied "Morris, that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >The pilot overheard the couple and said "Listen folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word it's fifty quid."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said "By golly! I did everything I could to get you to yell out but you didn't. I'm really impressed!'</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:verdana;" >Morris replied "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out; but, you know, fifty quid is fifty quid."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">The Beadle </span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family:verdana;">wishes to make it quite clear that he and <span style="font-weight: bold;">Mrs Malaprop</span> never visit the Yorkshire Show, and do not like riding in helicopters.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Dame Barbara</span><span style="font-family:verdana;"> is currently concocting her latest airy romance </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:verdana;" >Up Up and Away - </span><span style="font-family:verdana;">a tall tale</span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:verdana;" > </span><span style="font-family:verdana;">of thrills and spills.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ben </span>is kept busy supplying her with copious pink gins.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Anticant</span> impatiently awaits the approaching pageant of summer.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wooffie</span> is wearing his second-best pearls.<br /></span></span></pre>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-70245394629831944182008-05-06T21:28:00.003+00:002008-05-06T21:41:50.136+00:00OH, BOLLARDS!!<pre wrap="" style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ben </span>has been buying some new pictures for the Snug. Here's one of them:<br /><br />"Having finished installing the anti-parking bollards, it's time to clear up before driving back to the depot..."<br /><br /><a class="moz-txt-link-freetext" href="http://www.changeplaces.com/temp/oh,%20bollards.jpg">http://www.changeplaces.com/temp/oh,%20bollards.jpg</a> </pre>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-61312227073473709012008-04-09T20:44:00.002+00:002008-04-09T20:47:57.121+00:00SAFETY IN NUMBERS?<pre></pre><span style="font-family: arial; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In Anticant’s absence, Ben Trovato has been diligently scouring cyberspace for titbits worthy of reproduction in the Burrow. Here is his latest find: </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">An elderly gentleman who is less potent than he was in his youth consults his doctor, who after trying many unsuccessful remedies refers him to an African Witch Doctor. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Saying 'I can cure this', the Witch Doctor throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash followed by billowing blue smoke. ‘This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year’, the African explains. ‘All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!' </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">The patient asks, 'What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?' The Witch Doctor replies, 'When your partner can take no more sex and is completely satisfied, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned, your potency will not return again for another year…' </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in expensive perfumes. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says '123', and suddenly he has the most gigantic erection, just as the Witch Doctor promised. His wife turns over and asks, 'What did you say '123' for?' </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">The Beadle and Mrs Malaprop have asked Ben to confirm that this tale bears no relation to any denizens of the Burrow. </span><pre><o:p></o:p></pre><pre><o:p> </o:p></pre> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-634496984020324532.post-77201664989591068112008-03-23T08:38:00.004+00:002008-03-23T09:13:29.089+00:00NOT DREAMING OF A WHITE EASTER<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:lucida grande;" >As we peer out of the Burrow windows this Easter Sunday morning, snowflakes as large as gooseberries are fluttering down, and the grass outside is already covered with a white blanket. The Seasons are indeed a'changing.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:lucida grande;" >This Easter Day [23rd March] is the earliest we shall experience in our lifetimes. The earliest day on which Easter can fall is 22nd March; the last time this occurred was in 1818, and the next will not be until 2285. The latest Easter date is 25th April, which some of us saw in 1943 and some [but not the Burrow denizens] will see in 2038.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:lucida grande;" >Although the League of Nations in 1926 endorsed the keeping of Easter on the Sunday after the second Saturday in April, and this became British law when Parliament passed the Easter Act in 1928, the Act has never been brought into force because it requires the agreement of all the Christian churches, which is still not forthcoming. But then, when did the Christian churches all agree about anything? That would indeed be a miracle.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:lucida grande;" >Be that as it may, we are now enjoying [?] a White Easter. And, as always, Easter marks a turning-point from the death of Winter and old age to the new life of Spring and youthful hope. This week, we have heard the sad news of the passing of Merkin's mother, and the glad news of the arrival of a new great-great nephew: Welcome, Oliver James Harper! Many years ago a dear cat, Pico [short for Piccolo, but he was so large we thought he should have been called Trombone!], died in our arms on Good Friday. So Easter memories accumulate.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);font-family:lucida grande;" >By the end of this week Anticant - flying conditions permitting! - will be sitting on his favourite Italian lakeside terrace, with the prospect of ten even lazier days than usual ahead, plus scrumptious local food and lovely warm thermal baths. So the Burrow will be on vacation until mid-April. Meanwhile, we wish all our 'Snug Regulars' and others a Happy Easter, and - if you are hardy enough - good Spring gardening.</span>anticanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18135207107619114891noreply@blogger.com4