Tuesday, 15 May 2007


As you'll see from his comment on the previous post, Brian [1loneranger] has been knocked off his bike by a careless 4 x 4 driver, and is painfully laid up at home in uncharacteristically warlike mood.

I'm sure everyone will join me, Ben, and the Beadle in wishing him a speedy recovery. Here's hoping he will soon be back in action, and joining us again in the Snug.


ranger said...

Thank you Anti love!
I'll be fine. Just grumpy and immobile on a beautiful day in Atlantic Canada. Thanks so much for your wishes.
It was a really strange event. I'd not been hit broadside on a my bike before. I've been run off the road on my bike and have had motorcycle accidents which were my own fault, but this was entirely different.
I was doing a normal lane change and this guy in his huge truck just rolled out of a parking lot without looking.
I hit the ground and bounced up immediately. I went right for the driver. I wanted to kill him. I was able to turn myself around and walk it off before I wound up hitting the guy. But I was so angry that this huge vehicle had impacted me and messed up my day.
I think I've got some issues to sort out with myself in the next little while whilst I'm laid up here on the couch.

Merkin said...

The moral is : beware of huge trucks when on yer bike !!
(Check your mail, incidentally.)
It is often said that most bike accidents are caused by car drivers and this would appear to be the case here.

zola a social thing said...

Bikers of the world unite I say.

trousers said...

All the best from me too.

lavenderblue said...

Lone Ranger - take care ..I send you virtual peeled grapes with love..xx

Emmett said...

RANGER, Hard cheese, eh?

SORRY About your near-miss with a half-wit & dire tumble -- I'd take a tot a 'Hennessey's' for that, one every two hours until futrther notice!

AND Don't be afraid to sock somebody when 'tis indicated -- after all, it is a matter of getting their attantion -- so you can EVEN BEGIN to tell 'em about Peace & Love!

AS To 'bicycle-safety', well, har-de-har-har, as they say....

THE Hell of it is that if you do wear a helmet, the de-cerebrated dumb bastards slide that much closer to you, winging by:
"Duh, he's got a helmet on like the state-liberals say to on Tee Vee, Maaan...duh, he's SAFE!"
(Some professor down in here in Bumpkinland studied /this/ with a proximity-metre and divers outings, helmeted & not -- hair-raising!)

THE Other week down here in old Mankato, my mate, The Baron, went arse over gasket into a carefully-sculpted (!) 8" hole in the tarmac of a recently-redone alley, surrounding a /really/ recessed sewer-grating -- busted the P-I-double-S out of his effing left wrist & skun off a good bit his (over-large!) nose. He looks like Hell & has Attorney Smackelphartz hot on the case as we speak.

ANYWAY, The state of liberty in THIS piss-house is such that one has to petition for /leave/ to sue the corporation -- Jesus Christ!

RANGER, At a guess yer in Halifax?

CALL Up Sean Payne & say "Howdy!" to my step-daughter Anna, eh?

Emmett Smith

lavenderblue said...

emmett,you are superb. words fail me............,love to you..and to the calico cat xx

sturdyranger said...

Oh Wook, you are too much, and I love it. I 2nd Lav's comments. You never fail to make me jus' 'bout bust ah gut unless your making me scratch me noggin and say "man, that dude is out there, and I love it!"
Thanks! Ya'll are toooo kind.
I am indeed in Half-a-lax Emmet. You've kin folk up in these here parts then?
Are they in Halifax proper?

[Ah, at this exact moment the CBC TV pundits are debating the legalization of ye good 'erb again in the Great White North. I love this country.. Can't make up its mind whether it likes to have an "attitude adjustment" from time to time or not.]

Reminiscences of the bye gone days of black velvet (not stevie nick's-though I totally get off on her shtuff) yore and fit to be eaten fru-eets of passion.
Peel it slower than slow please. ;)
Thanks for making me chuckle while I grimace in pain.

Now where's that Hennessey, better yet, my ex's granddaddy's eastern Tennessee moonshine? That'll do 'er.

Emmett said...

YEH, My step-daughter Anna is out at 3114 Hwy 1, Lower Prepuce, er, Upper Sackville -- but, she ain't with Baggins, /he's/ Sean Payne. Anyway, Annabear is coming back down here in a fortnight, I reckon -- ain't seen her since January!

AND Lav, /the/ calico cat, Ms Emma Pouncer, is a case & a little comedian around here -- but, she sure as Hell enjoys tormenting them YOB & ASBO-overdue effing grackles! Plus when I get down in the barn at the crack of crow-piss, there she is asleep on the back of my punch horse, Mr Gamgee. (This happens when she gets snotty with me & won't come in away from the owls [!] at nine o'clock -- when I go to sleep with the chickens....)

AS My 87-year-old farm-neighbour (he grew with my motehr and uncle), Mr Judson Andersen, says:

"JESUS Christ, you carry on more about that God-damned CAT than Bush does them fool daughters of HIS!"

AND, I says back (in me old dad's best tones!):

'TOO-Right, Juddy -- but at any rate MY God-damn cat is spaded!'

Emmett said...

ANY NOW, It's past me bed-time; but, here y'are, by way of more condolences:

FOUR Years ago on the 27th of May, the fifty-four-years' old brain-sonofabitch was bicycling at about three in the afternoon & south-west on S Front Street, making for the 'Northstar' bridge across to North Mankato, when some crazed & maniacal, 40-something, sow in mirrored spectacles and a dangling cigarette, decided all at clap-stricken ONCE to run her car bang! smack dab in front of Grandpa. /Not/ for sake of any lurking un-mitigated hatred of gentlemen in their late-maturity, oh Christ no! Although there /is/ an ardent women's studies department in the state college that calls itself a 'university', here; nevertheless, misandry did /not/ figure; no, the horrid, 'impatient', /american/ creature simply seen there were no cars coming from behind me (her left); and, as it was clear to leeward too, why what the Hell? She gave a mighty thrust of foot and cellulitic haunch at the foot-feed, 'laid rubber' and screeched off to the north-east & into the lurid depths of alcoholic (down-town) Mankato.

GRANDPA Is a damned fool who actually exercises & in a flash the synaptic old sonofabitch cut right, his left knee caressing down the length of her left back cold wing; then, to left the middle-aged bafflement-case flung the steering-yoke; then, finally, braking hard, straightened and came to a dead stop -- front wheel just atop an interior kerb of the filling-station & 'convenience-store' that was the venue of all this post-modernity:

"BALLS Of Christ!" blared Grandpa to the ring of bemused gathering Americans, "That fat bitch, that God-damned SOW! She doesn't even have the 'excuse' of gabbing on her ----ing cell-phone, oh Jesus Christ Crucified And Frying Away In Hell, NO! Why the God-damned PMS-case had BOTH of her God-damned hands on the God-damned wheel -- and, by God boys, THAT'S it in a God-damned nutshell! It's the absolutely jesuitical & zionistic, UNIVERSAL, God-damned incompetence! THAT Woman -- AND the other 150 million JUST like her -- AND the 150 million dim & dull-normal, dumb, bastards that are MARRIED to her -- AND their drooling God-damned unaborted halfwit God-damned semi-illegitimate bastard children....

"THAT'S 300 million reasons WHY -- so help me, Christ, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! -- this God-damned 'War on Terror' is ALREADY lost!"

MY Goodness, Grandpa was sore -- whereas, whilst trying on tippy-toe to back off of the kerb, the old goat proceeded to fall over at, precisely, 0 (!) miles-per-hour, and bust his left wrist....

(AFTER, I went home, washed up a sink of dishes, realised from the effects of the hot water that I was "in deep shit;" and, so, hied myself to the casualty-dept -- where they trussed me up in an emergency cast & then I went round the hospital-block and up the the 5th floor Baby-Catching Dept, where my girl Anna was having my third grandson, Hugo, who will four this year & whose birthday Grandpa sure as Hell will /remember/, Alzheimer's or no God-damned Alzheimers!

(INDEED, later in the evening, I was holding Hugo in my right arm, all swaddled in white and green hospital rags, my left arm all wrapped in white and cradled in a green sling -- whereas some charge-nurse with an ill-omened expression of cheap significance leered & joked: "Oh, look! Twins!")

ranger said...

Thank you...thank you very much farmer and story teller extraordinaire Wook.

Merkin said...

3 cheers for Hugo - he'll need them.

Merkin said...

'But I was so angry that this huge vehicle had impacted me and messed up my day.'

Impacted you? - it nearly compacted you.

ranger said...

Me, I'm always more concerned with my state of being and my frame of mind than my silly body.
I was looking at that truck coming at me saying...
"don't even think about it mofo /I/ have a plan for this day, and you are not part of that plan"

Impact /me,/ not ME! As for compacting me?... Shit, I'll take on a truck any day. My will power is far stronger than its horse power!
And, I can move things with my mind, haven't I told yo all that yet?

Of course, I was meant to be on my back this week with all this free time to talk to you good souls.