Monday, 6 August 2007

LEAVE IT TO ME!

Having struggled for years as a modestly paid therapist, Anticant has read today's Times and seen the light.

He is about to launch the BURROW GENEROSITY THERAPY INSTITUTE for the successful treatment of miserly scrooges. Hopefully the Burrow's cashflow problems will be solved for ever......

31 comments:

Emmett said...

TO Each his own.

A Thirty-nine-year-old 'property developer', an IT 'specialist', 38....

WHAT A collection!

ONE Bright spark 'tis said shelled out, was it, 40,000 over five years? Before the lights went on.... And that's quids! (Not these anaemic Yank 'dollars'!)

YOU Can't have it both ways, chaps, sorry. There is /no/ religion, no 'ignorance', no Islam, to rebel against -- there is /nothing/ to stand up to whatsoever, in these post-modern credit-card whoredoms. So why? should we take startlement when a load of thirty-something era-personalities & urbanised neurotics get taken for a ----ing, by a canny 58-years' old (MY age -- hee, hee, hee!) therapist?

THESE /Tres modernes/ languidity-cases FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES have experienced something (comparatively!) real, 'victimisation' namely.

NOW, Instead of continuing to get away with dwelling on a fifth- or seventh-level of abstraction (and stealing away themselves to beat Hell all the while!) these fortunate (!~) few are within an ace of becoming, actually, /interesting/ people....

THEY Got clipped & screwed real good, plus all of 'em got to be in the papers. It's /the/ dream-come-true of a generation, I tell you!

THERAPY AIN'T cheap...but then we all knew that, didn't we?

Good luck with YOUR clinic, Aunty -- I've got to go and dig out the Jung-books & stick up a bill!

Grandpa

Emmett said...

I just want to stick in that depending on who you believe, this Derek Gale son-of-a-seacook is either the greatest therapist in captivity:

http://home2.btconnect.com/derek.gale/

Or else the dirty SOB IS on all-fours with certain renegade Hindoo fake "christian" cult-leaders here in the Universal Sewer (US)!

http://forum.rickross.com/viewtopic.php?p=29978&sid=671a40c81c90655b47d2bfdaed2c40fd

Grandpa

Emmett said...

[AN Open collegial letter to Dr Gale, from certified Sufi Therapist, Dr E Raymond Smith -- revealing how professionals really view their work, among themselves:]

6 August 2007

DEAR Dr Gale, here's what I had to say to a mate to-day about your load of troubles, over there:

6 August 2007

DOCTOR, Baron, we should have stuck with psychology, like this guy in the London paper:

http://bodwyn.wordpress.com/2007/08/06/in-a-free-market/

(When you get to my site, click on the Times-link first!)

s/ERS

I AM sorry, old boy, but to us, here, viewing these affairs with a disillusioned eye amid the tumult of the great american Universal Sewer, it /is/ hard to sympathise entirely -- but, by God, I /am/ glad /you've/ been getting away with it, anyway! The only question, really, is for /how long/? the money will continue to hold up, before the bottom goes out of the professional old tub for us all, eh?

RESPECTFULLY /wa alaykum-salaam/,

E Raymond Smith

Certified Sufi Therapist & Cognitive Specialist, Ph D

117 East Pleasant Street,
Lincoln Park,
Mankato,
MN 56001

(507) 238-3842

anticant said...

There's one born every minute, isn't there? Reminds me of Swaggart, the Bakkers, and all the other unmemorable born-again holy swindlers. Not to mention Cherie Blair's 'style guru', Ms Caplin.

Seriously, this therapy regulation business is a real problem. I was involved in the early days [1980s] of what is now the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. On the one hand, we wanted to encourage the genuine voluntary part-timers who couldn't afford elaborate and expensive training. On the other, we knew that however tightly you attempt to regulate, some bad apples will always slip through he training net. Trouble is, if this meddlesome Nanny-ish government takes a hand they will almost certainly make a huge balls-up of statutory regulation.

Emmett said...

I Wonder what THIS hairpin shall say, even supposing by accident one of his minions open my sarcastic missives? Hee, hee, Grandpa!

Merkin said...

Anyone for MerkinTherapy?
Cheap at the price.
Well, cheap anyway.

Emmett said...

/That's/ a bit hairy to contemplate, I should say...?

Anonymous said...

Fine stuff, Wooko.

Emmett said...

NOT Really...more like steel wool, actually!

Merkin said...

Steel wool?
Reminds me of a story.
Guy goes to the doctor for an exam.
Doctor looks and is shocked.
'Good God - you have one ball made of Iron and one ball made of Wood.
You can never have children, you know?.'
'What you talking about?', he says.
Pinnochio is 5, Robocop is 20......


(sorry, needs the hands etc..)

lavenderblue said...

Therapy huh ?
Marvellous.
Where do they find these idiots........
There are more 'therapists' on the blogs than you could shake a wicked stick at.....
I'm staying in the snug.
Safer by far..however much the entrance fee.
Will we be basket weaving or dancing naked to strange music ?

Emmett said...

M E M O

TO: All staff

NONE Of that now! It's stomach rinses & clysters, and Absolute Diet (cold tea, dry toast & aspirin) for you lot until you all settle down -- and cold showers whilst wrapped up in sheeting, for anyone who CONTINUES to play up.

s/Wook, MD Superintending

Number 47 Detention NHS Hospital,
Toke-On-Weed,
Choads

PS: This instruction applies to ALL staff & clients, the whole boiling, until further notice.

lavenderblue said...

Erm..this sheeting......
Will we ALL be naked underneath it ?
Just asking......

Emmett said...

Separate cells, sorry, by order of the War Cabinet -- no propinquity for the duration.

Senior Police-General Wook, Physician-Superintendent, Toke-on-Weed Detention NHS Hospital
(Unit 47, Choads)

Emmett said...

(Apropos of nothing & just for something light-hearted to think of, whilst awaiting the clyster!)

Good Old Lutheran Sundays Services....

PASTOR G Adolph Johns decided that a visual demonstration at the old Grace Lutheran Church, in Old Mankato would add emphasis
to his Sunday sermon and warn the congregation off the thorny Path of Sin.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars:

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following
results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive and "....NOT deader than Hell!"

So then Pastor Johns hauled off bald-headed and asked the congregation, "What can we learn from this demonstration?"

Lulubelle Fasnacht, sitting right in the front row, quickly raised her hand and said:

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms?"

That pretty much ended THAT service.

[brought to you by the Unit 47 Detention NHS Hospital & Greater Choadshire Women's Institute, Tea & Wads Auxiliary]

The Burrow Beadle said...

NO rude stories
basket weaving
nude dancing to strange [or familiar] music
stomach rinses
clysters
absolute diet
cold showers whilst wrapped up in sheeting
cans of worms

in the Burrow.

By Order

Emmett said...

PRECISELY -- Only those who turn themselves in promptly by 5 PM this day week to the Detention NHS Hospital in /their/ previously-assigned Malingerance Area will be allowed to avail items from the above menu. Be advised that, at this time, /strange/ music(s) may be in definitely short supply. Donor-supporters of Your NHSs are encouraged therefore to turn in their old & unwanted 'Cabaret Voltaire' & 'Yello' recordings, cassette or CD will do. Finally, there is a superfluity of /nudity/, esp in staff-lounges & break-rooms, and we concur with The Beadle's stricture apropos /do/.

ATTEND further bulletins as they are released:

s/Wook, Police-General & Senior Clysterlogue, MD

OUR Motto is: 'You'll get over it QUICK in Your Detention NHS Hospital!'

lavenderblue said...

Your Motto has strange implications...............

lavenderblue said...

As a Lady ......excuse me, but what are 'clysters' >
Does one wear them .eat them......?
Please advise ASAP, need to get ready,,,,,,,,

ben trovato said...

Don't ladies own dictionaries?

'Clyster' is an old-fashioned word meaning 'enema'. Maybe it's one of those archaisms that has survived in the transatlantic branch of the English language after we more modern types have moved on.

Better not eaten or worn. Endured if absolutely necessary.

The Burrow Beadle said...

Repeat: No clysters in the Burrow.

By Order

lavenderblue said...

Nor,thank you very much,any where near me.

Emmett said...

IN /The Good Soldier Schweik/, clysters are jolly things and enjoyed by all in the detention hospital except, perhaps, the subjects (a niggling lot of malingerers!) /Clyster/ is used by one translator in preference to 'enema', and I daresay it suited that individuals perception of the better cognate to the Czech? As my friend, J, says (phonetically): 'Sock la wenska!'
This is dirty, so do /not/ haul out your new-found knowledge of central-european idiom at the next durbar! Czechs have also a way of saying ingratiatingly, 'I give you my heart!' (This utterance is especially helpful in soothing the general situation whilst advancing on patients with the clyster-tube.)

s/Police-General Wook, MD & Tube-Room Supervisor (brevet)

Emmett said...

KNOCK, Knock!

THERAPY-Police! Anyone at home?

HULLO...?

[stage-direction: in the stillness, ONLY muffled hiding-noises. A spider swings down on its thread, immediately before the camera lens....]

ben trovato said...

Service at the Burrow is temporarily suspended while Anticant ploughs through a severe attack of renal colic. No clysters as yet.....

Emmett said...

IF This is on the level (I hope it is NOT!), all the best to anticant & we are waiting worriedly to hjear, Emmett!

anticant said...

Yes, I fear it is on the level, Emmett and all. I have had a most unpleasant couple of days, and though improving reckon I won't be fully better until after the weekend.

Meanwhile, Ben is at his usual station behind the Snug bar, and is opening a new thread, so do drop in for a noggin or two and some gossip.

Will keep you posted....

Emmett said...

RIGHTO, Ben that'll be a couple of bottles of Schell's best for me & a round for The Devils!

Emmett said...

RIGHTO, Ben that'll be a couple of bottles of Schell's best for me & a round for The Devils!

lavenderblue said...

I'll take a round any time !

zola a social thing said...

why oh why does Civilisation have all those discontents?
Must be something to do with the inflated egos of the "providers" I guess. Together with the wanna-bees flying high on credit buzz.