MALAPROP vs. BURROW BARD

At a hastily convened session of the Burrow Court, Judge Anticant presiding, the complaint of Mrs Malaprop against the Burrow Muse for scribbling graffiti in the Snug was upheld.

The plaintiff said she had been shocked to read an obscene poem by the defendant on a comment thread to a story which she already considered unacceptably vulgar. If she was to continue in her post as Burrow Housekeeper, she required an assurance that such lapses of taste would not be repeated or tolerated.

In support of her case, she said that when the said graffiti had been observed by the Burrow Resident Artist, Ms Lavenderblue, the latter had fainted dead away and had required copious administrations of sal volatile and smelling salts to bring her round.

She also called in evidence Bodwyn Wook, who had confessed to perpetrating the original story but felt that the Bard’s effusions had lowered the tone of the enterprise to an unacceptable degree.

In his own defence, the Bard said that the story’s reference to squirrels had recalled to his mind the true story to which he had appended the offending doggerel. If this was deemed in bad taste, he unreservedly apologised but maintained his view that it was rib-tickling. He called as a character witness Wooffie, who wagged his tail and gave a bleary wink to the Judge.

Judge Anticant said that he deplored such a lax interpretation of the Burrow’s free speech policy, and reminded all concerned that the Burrow’s motto is “Dulce et Decorum”. He found for the plaintiff, and ordered the defendant to present her with half a dozen pairs of woollen stockings of assorted colours within three days, failing which he would be put into the stocks for six hours. He was ordered to hand over his archive to the Beadle for inspection as to suitability prior to further poetic postings.