NEVER EXPLAIN, NEVER APOLOGISE

So the Prime Minister is “deeply sorry” for British participation in slavery and the slave trade, is he? Whatever next will this pathetic past-master of pointless spin find to apologise for next? Not, you can bet your bottom dollar, the invasion of Iraq and all the dire consequences that are flowing from it for those still living [not to mention the over half a million dead].

This is empty gesture politics gone mad. The mind boggles at the time which has apparently been spent by the cabinet in discussing exactly how far Blair should go. “Deeply sorry, but not apologising” seems to be the meaningless formula arrived at. And we PAY these people?

Since the PM is in the business of rewriting history, here are a few other things he might consider saying “sorry” for:

The Norman conquest [to the Anglo-Saxons].

The Wars of the Roses [to non-combatants].

The battle of Flodden [to the Scots].

The framing and execution of Mary Queen of Scots by Elizabeth I.

[More sense in this, surely, than in lecturing the Scots about the follies of independence.]

The Tudor and Cromwellian “pacification” of Ireland.

The Darien Venture [to the English who had to bail the Scots out].

The Raj – especially the suppression of Suttee and the way Warren Hastings treated the Begums of Oudh.

The battle of Waterloo [to the French].

The Crimean War [to the Russians].

The battle of Omdurman [to the Sudanese and the Muslims].

The Great War [to practically everyone].

The Scuttle from India by a previous Labour government, resulting in the deaths of a million or so people in the ensuing religious and communal strife.

The Suez invasion [because of the lies told by the then British government].

And so on, and so forth.

But never, oh never, for anything done by the governments presided over by Tony Blair since 1997.

Blair is the Archie Rice of politics. His increasingly feeble hamming impresses no-one, amuses no-one and deceives no-one. It’s high time he abandoned the spin and picked up the fat juicy book and lecture contracts that are doubtless awaiting him from Murdoch and others. He can then embark on his real apologia. If anyone is still listening.

There is a family rumour that one of my great-great grandfathers may have been involved in the slave trade. Since he is no longer here to do it for himself, I’m not apologising on his behalf.