"THE BURROW BUGLE"

Not-So-Innocents Abroad

ben trovato writes:

This is the Authorised Account of Anticant’s travels to the lake shores of Italy, Any scurrilous anecdotal reportage on other blogs is purely apocryphal.

Oscar Wilde feasted with panthers. Robert Louis Stevenson traversed the Cevennes in the company of a diminutive cross-grained donkey. Anticant ventured forth with a Lilith-like White Leopardess and a lineal descendant of Apuleius’ loquacious Golden Ass. Strange to relate, he lived to tell the tale.

The tediums of air travel, with its ridiculously long check-in times and interminable security procedures – we even had to take our shoes off: trousers, mercifully, were reprieved – did not damp the trio’s enthusiasm for the expedition, though the two days of quite heavy rain during the week’s lakeside stay did disappoint a little. However, in the intervals between showers the sun obliged quite warmly, and sitting upon the hotel terrace and jetty, watching boats go by and sampling the local vino and home-baked pastries, induced a mood of unaccustomed near-serenity. Anticant even resisted the temptation to check out the Burrow postings until nearly the end of the week, though when he did so he immediately alerted the Beadle to secrete the Snug keys in the inner pocket of his uniform knickers, in anticipation of a marauding raid by the Wild Woodlanders which fortunately did not materialise.

Some scrumptiously tasty food was consumed, and an abundance of strong liquor poured down the throats of the insatiably thirsty trio. This sometimes led to verbal skirmishings but these never degenerated into fisticuffs – although through a linguistic confusion Anticant had been mistakenly identified by the hotel staff as a world-famous boxer!

Returning to Blair’s Britain provided the usual nasty culture shock, with planes late, coaches missed, and tasteless fast food airport sandwiches. A plot to smuggle in a litter of five adorable baby kittens from the hotel gardens was canvassed but reluctantly dropped.

And was there mischievous mayhem, skulduggery and prankishness? There was – but the Court Circular Reporter’s lips are sealed, and supposedly inside revelations elsewhere are to be severely discounted on pain of withdrawal of Snug free round privileges.

So back to business as usual? Not quite, as Anticant’s attitude to blogging, as to much else, is for the time being at least considerably relaxed and liable to result in some summer lassitude and less anxious attention to the endless sad goings-on in the lousy world outside the Burrow.

HOLIDAY HELP, PLEASE!

anticant writes:

I need an early summer break, and so far have been unable to find someone willing to accompany me. I cannot travel alone, and my partner prefers to stay at home. I am looking for someone who would appreciate a quiet, relaxing country or seaside holiday at a comfortable hotel with good food - all expenses paid - in Italy or Spain for ten days or a fortnight: a lounging-around, garden and poolside vacation; not a city or busy sightseeing trip, as I am not up to that any more.

The person I have in mind is male, aged 20-50, preferably [but not necessarily] gay, non-smoker, kind, caring, considerate, and intelligent. I won't add "must have a sense of humour", as even if he does, ours might not match. Sounds like a paragon, doesn't it? But I'm sure there are such guys around somewhere who would appreciate a free holiday in return for some helpfully caring attentions to an elderly invalid. Maybe a professional carer needing a break?

I've spent weeks asking around, and searching the internet for travelling companion agencies - of which there are surprisingly few. It's becoming increasingly frustrating, as time is moving on and I would like to go away in late May or June, before the Mediterranean weather gets too hot.

So any practical suggestions and contacts from my burrow friends, or casual visitors here, would be very welcome. Thanks!