Monday, 8 January 2007


Well, maybe I do now.

Good morning, everyone.


Anonymous said...

News Flash

A strange character has been reported as moving in and quickly moving out of the Burrow. Local folk say that this strange character is sometimes heard yelling out something like " I'm off to furk the beadle that wonderful beadle that was".

But others report different sightings which will bring the fear of God to certain blasphemous individuals that inhabit this den of iniquity. When asked for more details folk seemed to shudder and almost faint : "too terrible to even talk about" said one.

Something to do with a very big rhythm stick on the rampage. The local police have been informed and are waiting for more concrete news before they act. The Chief of Police said that "they would not want to follow the government in putting the fear of God or some fancy rhythm stick into the pubic domain".

One source said that this was connected to a certain honour of a certain lady from Crewe that has been mis(conned)strewed by the wicked Burrow.

The cult leader of the Burrow, a certain Anticant, denies all and refuses to comment more.
Your best selling newspaper "The National Orator" will keep you informed as new information comes in by the hour.

butwhatif said...

Things are heating up in the London Times columns today.

"This concerns dining manners. 1. Is is polite to eat off one's fork; e.g. spear a piece of broccoli then nibble chunks off it?. When letting go of one or both items of fork and knife (say to pick up a drink or to leave the table for a while) does one: a. rest the knife and/or fork on the edge of one's plate, say at angles of south east and south west respectively? or b. place one or both items on the plate, with one end resting on the edge of the plate and the other end somewhere in the middle of the plate. Where both items are simultaneously placed on the plate, should they be sided to sided, as if one had finished one's meal? The difficulty of b) is that potentially, especially with children, the handles will make contact with food."
(Angus McDonald, Yately)

What does everyone think?

zola said...

Well Merkin me old : Bob Dylan said it all :-
" The pump don't work cos the vandal took the handle"

Trouble I can never quite agree with the world-view that labels vandals as merely youth or the likes of me-sen.

Merkin said...

Sorry, Zola. That was most definitely not the Merkin.
The plot thickens.
Still, I did like it.
I await developments from the 'National Oracle'.
Something more concrete?.
Reminds me of the story of the two pieces of Black Asphalt who are seen running in terror away from a piece of Green Tarmac.
A passer by says 'Why are you so scared'?
'It's that one - he's a cycle-path'.

zola said...

Frig me - I am int soup yit agin.
I have never written for that national "Oracle".Please believe me!

And if The Merkin says that it is not the merkin then, yet again, I have yet another identity crisis.


The Merkin is not Butwhatif.
Ahhhhhhhhh - the plot indeed doth thicken in a postmodern world.
Shit : people are dancing alive.

Anonymous said...

Tobt Lewis : Are you there?
We need you to sort this ....

The Burrow Beadle said...

Palisades have been erected around the burrow. Squire anticant and first mate trovato are loading the muskets. I am patrolling the perimeter, keeping a lookout for marauding strangers - especially wild knicker-wavers. Jim Hawkins is stowed in the apple barrel, all ears to overhear the villainous schemes of Long John Zola and his gang. Ernest the Policeman is bringing up reinforcements. A modern major-general is expected any time now. The Lady from Crewe has the vapours and sal volatile is being administered. All in all, a busy day....

trousers said...

FAO Ben Trovato:

Who got the prize for the best (in your judgment) Zola Limerick?

zola said...

They ave not got me yet.
No prizes yet.
snif, snif...

ben trovato said...

After reviewing the limerick competition entries in consultation with Judge anticant and the Burrow Beadle it was decided to consult the Dodo, who reiterated his renowned landmark judgement in the Wonderland Caucus race: "EVERYBODY has won, and ALL must have prizes."

Mr Porter is specially commended.

trousers said...

mr porter's was my personal favourite.

zola said...

What is the address of this Mr porter?

ben trovato said...

mr porter's address is

The Dungeon
Under the Arches

He is rather tied up at the moment.

zola said...

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered ....

tyger said...

I seem to get more & more confused.