Thursday, 29 March 2007

CHINESE CRACKERS

Rummaging around the Internet, ben trovato brought this one in from the cold:


Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

"You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,

"You Sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,

"You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:

"Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,

"You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:

"Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

"You not Nissan Main Deala?


This reminded anticant of a WW2 story about Dr Wellington Koo, who was Chiang Kai Shek's ambassador in London, and a highly cultivated man. At a dinner where he was guest of honour, his neighbour - not realising who he was - asked condescendingly: "Likee soupee?" Dr Koo just smiled and said nothing. At the end of the dinner he gave a brilliant speech in faultless English, turned to his neighbour, and said:"Likee speechee?"

2 comments:

trousers said...

Ah, loved the one about Wellington Koo. "Likee speechee?" A verbal right hook if ever there was one.

Emmett said...

ACTUALLY, In the war years, according to Miss Barbara Tuchman, there was a BBC comedy-programme which featured a chinese character called 'Cash My Check', a delightful play on Chiang's already-well-known way of taking tantrums over General Stilwell and other types, and holding up his allies for, you guessed it, /more/
loot!