NO COMMENT

This landed in Ben's inbox:

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?'

'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, David Miliband and Jack Straw.

They're asking for a £10 million ransom.

Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.

We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?'

'Most people are giving about a gallon.'

DEFINITELY NOT CRICKET!

During Anticant's absence in sunny Italy, Ben has been whiling away the time rummaging through Anticant's Archive, and has come up with the following offering by Rhoda Tuck Pook which will kindle nostalgic memories among mid-20th century cricket aficionados:

"An unfortunate thing about Arlott,
And his confrere E.W. Swanton,
Is that one will rhyme only to 'harlot'
And the other to nothing but 'wanton'.
Are they greatly annoyed
If disciples of Freud
Have these omens employed
And their honour destroyed?
For there's nothing whatever suggestive in Arlott,
Or, of course, in his opposite number - that's Swanton."

When reminded of this, Anticant commented sourly that in these lily-livered days, libel writs would already be flying in the direction of the hapless poetess and her publishers.

IT DOESN'T TAKE INCEST TO MAKE AN IMBECILE

One of the joys of blogging is that one every now and then comes across fascinating nuggets of totally useless recondite information that boggle the mind.

Thus, from a commentator on Ken Frost’s “Nanny Knows Best” blog we learn that the borough of Wigan and Leigh is privileged to possess an official who is styled the ‘Hate Crimes Co-ordinator’, and who has, according to his own testimony, been in post for the past five years. This gentleman – who shall be nameless here, although the poster who I am quoting is bolder than I am – recently delivered himself of the following priceless observation in the local press:

“Imbeciles was the old name for those children that are borne from incestuous relationships. It is a little known fact that a certain area within the borough of wigan and leigh had the highest rate of imbeciles in the UK. Its true to say that at one point in the history of the borough....some fathers thought on it as their priveledge to de-flower their daughters. Infact in some areas, it was the expectation. Thank goodness for new blood coming into the Borough. The aggression from some people on the issue of 'new blood coming into the area' is, the view of many,...that this is infact remnants of 'the good old days',..as it were.” [Spelling and punctuation as in original].

This, as “Nanny’s” poster points out, amounts to a hate crime in itself, and one would imagine that there are now districts of Wigan and Leigh which the Hate Crimes Co-ordinator would be prudent to regard as personal no-go areas. I doubt whether this was the scenario George Orwell had in mind when he set out on the road to Wigan pier all those years ago.

Since reading this juicy item, Ben Trovato has been wandering around the Burrow composing a saucy limerick about the Incestuous Fathers of Wigan, muttering suitably vulgar rhymes to himself. He has been sternly forbidden by Dame Barbara to publish it here, on pain of her instant departure with her fictional flock of unravished virgins.

WE'VE ALL BEEN HERE!

The inimitable Wook has just produced this gem, for which we hereby nominate him an Honorary Life Member of the Burrow Snug.

EVERY MOTHER NEEDS ONE - BUT 54??

Ben Trovato found this in the Burrow bookshop. And it wasn't even on the top shelf!