ben trovato retrieved the following missive from the burrow fireplace this morning. It had evidently been posted down the chimney:
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming.
The 6 geese a-laying, 4 colly birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves, and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.
On top of all this! - Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation, and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my act together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Asda before everything is gone.