Wednesday, 28 February 2007

CASE OF THE FLYING KNICKERS

Call for witnesses

At a specially convened session of the burrow court, His Honour Judge Anticant presiding, the Burrow Beadle laid information concerning the shocking event which had occurred in the small hours, when a flamboyant pair of knickers bearing the monogram"Z" had been hoisted aloft the burrow flagstaff. The said offending garment was impounded by the court as evidence.

Judge Anticant instructed the Beadle to pursue inquiries towards identifying the miscreants through all possible channels, and appealed to any witnesses of the prank to come forward. The footprints of several different persons had been left around the flagpole, indicating that there was more than one individual involved. Anyone having second thoughts about the propriety of their [possibly inebriated] behaviour, and wishing to restore their good standing and eligibility for free rounds in the Snug, should submit a suitably contrite statement to the court without delay. In particular, Zola is subpoena'd to testify as to his ownership of the exotic underwear and, if he acknowledges it to be his, to explain how it came to leave his possession and, indeed, his person.

The court is prepared to offer a small liquid reward for the most convincingly imaginative account of these events.

By Order.


9 comments:

Clerk of the Court said...

Zola has entered a plea of 'Not Guilty', based on an alibi which, if proved, is likely to arouse the wrath of Mrs Zola who may well administer condign punishment with a rolling pin even before the court passes sentence.

Zola claims to have spent the night with Lavenderblue, whose testimony is still awaited. The court will require details of where the alleged liaison occurred, as some of the footprints around the burrow flagpole were those of a female and it appears that some sort of a struggle took place.

The court has also received anonymous testimony to the effect that Zola possesses twelve pairs of exotic knickers, one for each month of the year - the implication being that he only changes these once a month or else wears unexotic knickers, or no knickers at all, for most of the time.

Rugged though we know this old intrepid outdoor adventurer to be, we doubt whether the climate of the Arctic Circle is really suitable for kilt wearing - still less for near-nudity. These matters will be added to the topics for further scrutiny during the trial.

lavenderblue said...

Ah.
Erm, Guilty as charged, I am not sorry to say............
I am rubbing myself down to relieve symptoms of frostbite,ZoZobite and numerous other little things.
I shall have to warm my insides now with a little something from the Beadle.
I suspect that ZoZo is frozen too....
and the damned reindeer were no help.

Judge anticant said...

As death by frostbite isn't included on the burrow's roll of penalties, and the culprits - or at least one of them - have confessed, the Beadle has been instructed to terminate his criminal investigation forthwith, and to sally forth with Wooffy [the burrow St. Bernard] bearing brandy barrels and woolly long-johns.

The case is closed.

lavenderblue said...

I can't wear wool next to my skin.
Wooffy will be most welcome.........

Judge anticant said...

lavenderblue is let off with a caution. Best be careful Zola doesn't leave you up the creek, if you keep on enticing him to paddle away. It's an old legal maxim that everyone is responsible for the consequences of their own actions - except Tony Blair.

lavenderblue said...

Why,M'Lud !
I thank you !
Am I really to be held responsible for the consequences of my actions..........oh dear......

Anonymous said...

Can I have me knickers back now?

Clerk of the Court said...

That depends who you are. You'll have to sign for them.

lavenderblue said...

with kisses on the bottom ?